Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
