I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
dude. I can hear the air.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
