Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
