Already got asked if we're dating
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
