I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
