So drunk its hurt
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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