dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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