I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
