Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
worst night to have a conscience
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
