Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
