I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
