Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
