Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
