hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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