i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
