if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
sex in a hospital.. check
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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