this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
