Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
