clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You dont lie about slip and slides
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
