your parents love me but you hate me
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
