I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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