Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i wish my penis had a tongue
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
