I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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