Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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