he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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