it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
