problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
