i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Randomize
