I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We left an ass print on the piano.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
