I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
