gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
