You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
