Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
we're making bets on your personal life
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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