I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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