i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
