that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You can't motorboat a personality
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
