I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
so much tequila, so little girl.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
