Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
