I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
