Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
