He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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