i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
