you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
