i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
