ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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