i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
