For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
