Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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