before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
