Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
it was like having sex with a tree stump
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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